Day 4 - Two Compliments for the Day

It was beautiful today.  It was humid and warm but there was a cool breeze.  It has been raining and though there were worms and slugs out in full force, I decided to run/walk on the walking trail behind my gym.  My two oldest kids were at school and my two youngest were in good hands in the baby-sitting room.  It was great to be outside.  Refreshing. 

Years ago I was near the place where Stonehenge is in England and there is another place with stones placed in a circular shape.  There was energy there.  I wanted to do yoga, but back then yoga was less "normal" and I didn't have the guts to mentally block out the stares of others and connect with my soul and the surrounding.  Maybe it was for the best, but there is something special about doing yoga in nature. Until today I have only dared to do it in my backyard, but today after my exercise, I decided to try a few poses.  I actually loved it.  When I did a pose where you look up, it was spiritual.  It was connecting me to something bigger than myself, to the heavens.   The sky was a thick gray.  I knew that behind the gray, there was blue.  And that there is always blue sky behind the gray.  Sometimes life seems a bit thick and gray.  The thing is that whether we can see it or not, there is blue behind the gray. 

Compliment of the day.  There wasn't anyone around as I went through a vinyasa flow, except two grounds keepers.  One of them whom I had greeted yesterday when he pointed out that I had dropped my debit card (thank you very much!) walked over to me and in a strong accent asked if I do "that kind of exercise" everyday.  And that I look so strong.  It felt good to get a compliment, as small as it was.  I realize that as soon as I started staying home with my kids, I don't get complimented very much.  There just are not very many people around.  Either way, I loved my morning, relatively alone, with my thoughts.

I tried a dry sauna for the first time - detoxifing.  I got some reading in too.

And I showered at the gym.  I usually go home and do that while the kids watch a show, but I decided that it would be good all the way around to do it while there.  It was great.  It was fun to get ready for the day in front of a large mirror with a long line of women doing their beauty routine.  When I got to the babysitting place to pick up the boys, Stafford my newly 3 year, old look at me and said, "Mom, ew look bewful."  He touched my caridgan and then pointed out my shoes and said how nice they were.  I guess now that I think of it I got two compliments today.  :)

On my way home I noticed lots of moms and kids at the park.  I decided that I would go and see what would come of it.  There was a woman that I always see at the gym.  Our kids know each other from babysitting.  So I got to know her and her friend while we watched the kids play.  I'm sure I will see more of them there in the coming months.  It is fun to meet people.

I also spent some time playing Super Mario Bros. with my 5 year olds, Warrick.  We really like to work at it together.  Neither one of us is very good, but you got to give us something for effort.  I never realized that the Wii would be a great family thing, but it is.

I find that kids listen to their bodies more than we do. They do yoga poses, naturally. Every kid goes upside down on the couch, don't they? I did when I was a kid. I think they do it instinctively when their brain needs more oxygen - that's what the pose does. I've started taking pictures of my kids as they randomly throughout the day put themselves in a pose. These are of my 5yo. Ignore the underwear.

Day 2 - Picture yourself

This is a beginning of my dream wall.  Your eye gets used to the same pictures so I change it up often.  I only had one magazine that I could cut up so it is sparse, but it is a start.  I will get bigger and I will reach the goals that these pictures represent.  As I do nightly yoga and meditation, I visualize my goals - who I want to become.  I can already feel it working.  It is amazing.

Think of your favorite holiday, or simply a family gathering on a Sunday afternoon. 
Now picture yourself in this setting 20 years from now. 
Picture your family. 
Who is there?
What are the smells?
What is the general feeling?
What are people doing?

This exercise is something I did recently.  I have spent a lot of time meditating on this scene.  I have it in my mind in great detail, the sounds, the smells, the colors.  I can feel it; it is so strong.  This is what I base my day on.  It has changed the way I treat my children.  If I want them to WANT to be with me and their siblings, I have to nurture that relationship now.  If I want there to be lots of laughing and fun, I have to nurture those things in my everyday life.  Whatever environment YOU CREATE right now will be the environment of your life in the future.  The only way to change the future is to change the environment of right now.  It is circular.  It is always true.  There is no someday we will all get along.  It doesn't just happen.  You have to change it.  This doesn't mean perfection.  It means a work in progress is started now so that in 20 years, all the pieces will be put into place and the vision will become a reality.

I'm still adding details to my scene.  I will soon share it with Glenn.  Then, and I'm really excited for this, I'm going to share it with my kids.  Once I have introduced our future gatherings to my kids, I will let them add details.  Then, EVERYTHING we do will be focused on this vision.  If the boys are fighting, we will talk about how that behavior is going to affect the vision.  I have already harped on the reasons we need to be kind right now. I have already told them that their siblings can be the greatest support system they could ever get.  They know this.  They work on it.  But a picture in their mind will have more power.
I believe in visualization.  I won several state championship swimming titles, not because I had a "swimmer's body" etc.  but I believe a large part was based on the visualization that I immersed myself in.  It works.  Try it.  Put pictures up to remind you.  Have this ingrained in your mind.  Pray for it.  You will become it.  This I know.

Do not make excuses.  There are so many.  You are a being  with more potential than you realize.  There are people who have overcome bigger obstacles than you have.  It is possible - if you believe.  "Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it will achieve."

Happiness. Enthusiasm. Optimism.

Focus of my 38 Day Challenge

Here are the things that are most challenging for me this next challenge.  This is what I will need to post on my wall to remember to do them until they become second nature.

Morning Yoga
Eat 5 meals / day (sitting with a plate)
No seconds (Every meal)
Evening Yoga

38 Day Challenge - Day 1

If you do something every day for 40 days, then it not only becomes a habit, but it also becomes part of you.  That is why I'm doing a goal setting session for this long of a period.  It is a long enough time to see some results, but it is still short term goals that help us get to our long term goals.

Go to an indoor water park with family
See the sights in downtown Toronto (CN Tower, ROM Mueseum, Trains)
Go to a National Park in the Northern Country
Eat 5 times/day which is 190x (This means sit down with food on a plate before eating.)
Sugar on Sundays and Memorial Day/Victoria Day 7x
No seconds 190x
Exercise (carido) 17x
Morning Yoga 27x
Evening Yoga 38x
Attend the Toronto Temple
Eat at a local mom & pop Italian Bakery
Buy new clothes and exercise clothes
Buy new make-up
Try the sauna at my gym
Sign-up for a gym membership
148 ponds (10 pounds = 2lb a week)
Be hungry and still not eat as many times I as I need to get my goals
Do a fun activity every Saturday

This is Porter and Chelsea.  Chelsea is Porter's first pet.  She has been around since he was 3 years old and he is a sorce of comfort for him.  When he is feeling down, he finds her and holds her close.  When he is lonely, he holds her close.  When he is having a hard time sleeping, he goes straight to Chelsea.  She is always there for him.  She doesn't complain and will mold into his arms.  She'll purr and stay put.  She seems to know she is needed.  This little cat that we got for free has traveled across the country with us and into another country.  As I watch these two share times together, I'm reminded about how important a good friend is.  Friends make life more fun.  Friends make hard times less hard.  Friends are a comfort and a blessing.  It is hard to find good friends.  They are rare treasures, but worth the time and effort to keep them strong.  I'm thankful for friends.  There have been times when I have longed for a friend to be close by.  I have seen my children long for friends when we have moved.  I'm also thankful for family, because in my family relationships I have found some of my best friends and as I watch my four boys together, my heart is warmed as I see their friendship grow as they work out differences and learn to communicate and get along.  So, if you have one of those special friends, keep them close.  Let them know how you feel about them.  Take the effort to nurture the relationship.  If you don't have one, then go out and do the things that you love.  Exude the characteristics that you want to find in a friend;  then you will find that friend.  Have faith, keep trying and it will happen.

40 Day Challenge - Reflection

I just finished my first 40 day challenge.  I didn't even get close to getting all of my goals, but that is okay. I feel pretty much the same as when I started.  The days zoomed by.  Life went fast and was stressful.  We traveled and made huge life decision.  Such is life.  It cannot be an excuse. I learned a lot. I learned about choosing goals that are easy to monitor.  I learned to make sure the small goals bring me to my long term goals; they are stepping stones. 

I will do better next time.  I'm excited.  My next challenge for myself will be a 38 day challenge - because I want it to end on the last day of May.  This is exciting.  Who will I be in 38 days?  I WILL be different.  Change starts will little dicisions.  It starts with decisions that ignore the small little voice in the back of you mind that say, "Just this once..." or "It will be okay, this time because..." or  "I'll start tomorrow"  or the one that makes me second guess my goals and try to re-set them.  I will make my goals and I will stick with them.  In 38 days, I can second guess them.

Life is too short to sit on the sidelines.

If you want something in life you have to reach out and grab it.  If you have kids, work around them.  It is hard to work around the little people in your life, but it is possible. 

Today, we went out doors.  I love that.  I love nature.  It makes me feel that the boundaries I put on myself are a little less limiting.  It makes me feel closer to my maker.  I took my boys on a walk.  One was on a bike, one on scooter and one in a stroller and one sleeping.  It was quite the crew.  We still don't know all the streets around our neighborhood very well, so at each intersection, we took turns deciding which way to turn.  We ended up at a little nature trail.  I was hesitant, but the birds were chirping and calling to me.  We took the path and it was beautiful.  There was a fork in the road and we took one way and we're all excited to go back next time and take the other way.  I even took my heart rate monitor and kept my heart rate up.  Yay!  This little thing, made me happy.  We were only gone for 20 minutes, but that is all it took to boost me up. 

Being out doors is one of the things that makes my heart happy.  It is something that I have missed doing since I started having babies.  Today I was tired.  I almost didn't go, but I did go and that made the difference in my evening.  I'm so glad that I'm not ending this day saying, "I almost went on a walk outside with my boys."  There is little difference in my statements, but the outcome was quite a bit different.

The movement of a gate at the hinge is small, but the result of it's tiny movement is huge.  The end of a long gate moves several times more than the inner part at the hinge.  Our choices, though small, can make a big difference.  This means that we only have to make small changes and if we stay on the same path, big things will happen.  It also means that we have to evaluate our lives often to make sure that our small movements are moving us in the direction we want to go.  If they are not, then make the small changes you need to to get back on track.  Baby steps.

This evening we colored Easter Eggs.  It was a lot of fun to be gathered around the table with excited little boys.  I know these moments are fleeting and some day there will be boys that resist dunking the little white chicken eggs, but right now, in this moment, they all loved it.  And I loved watching them love it. 

My thought for this post.  Life is a roller coaster with lots of ups and downs.  When you're up, enjoy it. Cherish it.  When you're down, hang on.  Work past it.  Do your best - it won't last.  That is life.  We aren't entitled to the ups or the downs.  They happen.  Life is not always great.  That is okay.  That is what makes the highs so much better.  Hang on tight and enjoy the ride.  

Happiness.  Enthusiasm.  Optimism.

Plans to make my goals a reality

In 4 months (July 13th)I weigh 138 pounds.
Self control
I have a habit of only eating one serving.
Self control - sleep if I have to.  Read if I have to.  Email, sparkpeople, shop online, smilew/urheart, etc.
I eat every two hours during the day.
Self Control
I do yoga/weights 4hrs and 40 mins a week.
1 hr MFS, 20 min. every night, 
I do cardio 4 hrs and 40 minutes a week.
Gym - TWTh 6:30 20 minutes.  Then add onto yoga 20 minutes and then add 20 on each workout
I am productive and stick to my schedule.
Prioritize
I go on a date with Glenn every week.
I go to the temple every month.
We go week 1 and 2.
I have my yoga certification.
2 hours on Sat.
I go outdoors a lot. (Walks, Roller Blade, Hike, Bike)
Daily - plan something every Saturday.

Day 29 - Energy

Spring is finally here!  It was a beautiful Canadian day today.  Though it rained while we were in church, this afternoon was brilliant.  We went on a family walk and the air was heavy with humidity, but it was comforting, like a blanket.  People were out in full force, with their dogs or kids.  When we got back from the walk, we ate a meal that my Glenn cooked.  It was complete with ham soup, cornbread, and seasoned roasted sweet potatoes.  As I was finishing up the dishes, I played songs from the Mormon Tabernacle Choir; Glenn was trying to get Skype working to talk to his sister; my oldest son was making a sheath for his sword out of a cardboard and the youngest three were playing in our backyard.  I opened the window and the breeze drifted in.  It was one of those happy moments.  The moments that come when all your hard work comes together and, though there is nothing really significant going on, there is the sense of goodness.    

I'm going to take a moment and take credit for the goodness.  I have been experimenting with the energy that I give off.  I will tell you that there is power in it.  Everyone has energy.  Energy is life.  If you have ever been around a kind, optimistic person, you leave feeling better about yourself.  Their energy is contagious.  It works the same way when you are with a pessimistic, negative person.  This is not to say that we all can't have a bad day and can't go to a friend when we need to vent.  We all need to have bad days - it makes the good days taste so much sweeter.  But it is about the spirit about you.  It is the energy that you give off on a regular basis.

Yesterday, we were all having a bad day.  It was Glenn's birthday and things weren't going so well.  I was bummed too, but as we brought out the cake, I decided that I was going to be happy.  I wasn't going to let the events of the day affect me that way.  I started joking, smiling and ignoring Mr. Grumpy's attitude.  You know what, within minutes, the mood changed and we ended up having a great night.  It works!  Try it.

Pay attention to your energy.  It affects your health.  It is all interconnected.  Optimistic people have more alkaline bodies.  Alkaline bodies fight disease. 

Energy.  Focus.  Feel it.  And then nourish it and experience the power.

Happiness.  Enthusiasm.  Optimism.

Day 26 - Surround yourself with positive people.

My sister-in-law saw a picture of me and commented that I looked "so skinny".  It was a simple comment over email, but it meant so much to me. That was all it took.  That was my catalyst.  That's what got me out of bed.  Most of us work better on positive feedback and that is what I needed.  I went outside with three of my kids and we went for a 20 minute brisk walk.  It was freezing!  We did it anyway and I only got my heel ran over once by one of their bikes.  Thanks Melinda!

My thought for today - Positive people are a blessing!  Make people feel like better people after talking to you.  People don't remember what you say, but how you made them feel.  Spread goodness.

"A ship in the harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for."

Happiness.  Enthusiasm.  Optimism.

Day 23 - Choices

  
   "The choices you make today will determine the path that your life will take. When you sit back and look at the decisions you've made in your life, are you happy with the route you've paved? If you're not, make a change today. The next time you make a choice, ask yourself if this decision will lead you to the path you want to travel along. Set some new goals that will lead you to your dreams and then plan your course."  Sparkpeople Quote

That's all I have to say today.  I have tried to explain why this quote means a lot to me, but each sentence I write doesn't jive with me and I have erased it.  It is the hinge concept.  The hinge on a wide gate moves ever so slightly, but the end of the gate moves a lot.  Our small decisions and actions create the movement of our lives. 

Hope for a Better Tomorrow

I'm trying not to be disappointed.  I'm trying to get back on the horse.  I'm trying not to look at my thighs and belly with disgust. 

I'm  upset because I feel like I'm falling short of my potential.  I'm gaining weight.  I'm eating crap.  I'm not exercising.  I know better, but I'm not doing better.  I can list off a billion reasons as to why.  Excuses.  They really are good ones.  Nonetheless, excuses.

I read a yoga quote about how yoga is like life.  When you are in a pose and you're not going very far into it, the way you meet the challenge of the pose is often like the way you meet challenges in life.  That was eye opening to me.  Are you critical?  No I'm not.  I'm very accepting.  Do you compare yourself to others.  No, I'm quite content that we are all different.  Are you upset?  Nope. 

I'm fine just breathing in and out and zoning out.  I'm content to the point that I have been doing yoga for 10 years and if you saw me practice, you wouldn't know.  You'd think I was just past a beginner.  I'm content.  I stretch and I don't even focus on getting better, but just "being".  I don't think that is what the yogis meant.  I think that they want you to be content, but not so content that you are not progressing forward.  This is what my problem is.

I used to be so competitive, but for whatever reason, I've stopped trying.  Not only have I stopped trying, but sometimes I'm even self-sabotaging.  I'm complacent.  I'm okay being average.  I'm not sure what I'm afraid of, but I can feel that though I've taken two steps back, something inside of me is awakening. 

It is that something inside of me that is fighting against my failure.  That something is so disappointed that I started eating crappy and not prioritizing.  Yes, I have A LOT going on in my life right now, but all the more reason to focus.  I'm fighting the feeling of despair because despair is paralyzing.  I'm reaching for hope.  I'm searching with faith.  I want a different life.  I want a different cover on my book.  I think I'll go to bed and hope for a better tomorrow.

Tomorrow I plan on buying a yoga magazine and creating a dream board.  I'm hesitant because I don't want to fail again, but I know if I don't try then I will automatically fail.  At least this way there is a chance that I might succeed. 

So here I go.  Thanks to yoga, I can see myself more clearly.  I am still sad.  I still feel fat.  I still just want to sleep for a long time, but I will get up and I will continue.  Namaste.